How to find your footing when living with cancer

A cancer diagnosis upends your life: physically, mentally, and spiritually. In the midst of dealing with a flurry of appointments, unpleasant side effects, and heavy conversations with loved ones, you may find your goals, priorities, and even what’s possible are shifting. 

Cancer challenges people to examine their own lives, whether it’s to try to answer the question “why me?” or to reflect on ways they want to be remembered after their death (even if they have a favorable outlook for recovery). Some refer to this as an existential crisis, while others may label it a wake-up call. Whatever you call it, know that it’s absolutely normal. 

The “Now what?” question

Research shows that almost everyone going through cancer finds themselves asking this question. In fact, you may start asking a lot of questions about your life’s purpose, or you may feel regret over past choices you’ve made in life. A therapist, religious advisor, or counselor can be a valuable resource in helping you to work through these complex emotions. If you haven’t already, schedule your first session with a Jasper counselor to tackle this important part of your survivorship. It’s important to note that a lack of meaning and purpose, coupled with uncertainty about the future, can result in anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem. 

There are many ways to find meaning, fulfillment, and satisfaction as you progress through your cancer journey. Do so on your own timeline and whenever you’re ready. 

What you can do

If you’re wrestling with big questions and trying to make sense of your cancer experience—you’re not alone. There are a number of things you can try on your own, as well.

Ask yourself: “What’s most important to me right now?”

Meaning and purpose can change over time. What was important to you before may not have the same priority today—and what’s important today can change tomorrow. All of it can be productive. In fact, post-traumatic growth—positive personal change that comes from a difficult experience—is an extremely common outcome of a cancer diagnosis. But no matter what the endpoint, reflecting on what is important to you now can give you clarity on where to focus your time, energy, and attention. Some aspects to consider: 

• Relationships (spouse/partner, children, parents, siblings, or friends)
• Work and career 
• Education and achievement
• Spirituality
• Connecting with nature
• Helping others
• Caring for the environment
• Healthy living
• Lifestyle
• Caring for animals

Break down the big questions

“What did I do to deserve this?” or “what’s my future going to look like?” are big questions, and the pursuit of answers can be overwhelming. It may help to break your question down into small, actionable questions, like “how do I want to play this hand I’ve been dealt today?” or “what can I do this week to add more value to my life?”. When and if you’re ready to address the bigger questions, enlist the help of a professional like your Jasper counselor to do so.

Set goals for each day

These don’t have to be big, virtuous goals. Even small goals (like “Tell Sara she did a great job on this project” or “Donate to local homeless shelter”) can reaffirm your big picture. Consider also self-care goals like going on a walk, picking out a healthy recipe, or calling a friend who you haven’t spoken to in a while. By writing down meaningful intentions each day, you are taking actionable steps toward meaning and fulfillment. It can also help remind you to stay in the present, instead of dwelling on the past or worrying about the future.

Reframe your schedule

Cancer treatment and its downtime can easily become the focus of your day, whether it’s sitting in a chemo treatment room for hours or recovering in bed for days after a surgery. Instead of seeing this as a tedious time, however, think of it as an opportunity to invest in the things that are important to you, whether that’s writing in a journal, reading books that are intellectually or spiritually stimulating, or watching a favorite film while snuggled up with a loved one.

Redirect your energy

Cancer may be a big part of your life right now, but it’s not the only part. When you find yourself becoming consumed by your thoughts or feelings about cancer, balance that by focusing on the other important parts of your life. Something as simple as going on a hike, calling a friend, helping your child with their homework, or mentoring someone at work can shift your attention to the things that bring you satisfaction.

Connect with people

Some scholars suggest that connection with others is key for finding meaning. This is particularly important for people who are fighting cancer, as isolation has been found to have a negative impact on physical, mental, and emotional health. Make an effort to connect with other human beings at least once per day, even if only briefly—a support group can be very helpful here.

Remember: It’s okay not to be okay

Not everyone has a big spiritual awakening as a result of their cancer diagnosis, treatment, or recovery. It’s okay to grapple with your search for meaning, and it’s normal to feel scared, angry, or even numb. But if these feelings are persistent or overwhelming, or if they interfere with your daily functioning, please tell your doctor, oncology social worker, or a loved one. Though it’s possible to work through difficult questions on your own, sometimes the most valuable answers come when we ask for help.

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Sources:

Khoshnood, Z., Iranmanesh, S., Rayyani, M., & Dehghan, M. (2018). Getting Out or Remaining in the Cage of Inauthentic Self: The Meaning of Existential Challenges in Patients' with Cancer. Indian journal of palliative care, 24(2), 131–138. https://doi.org/10.4103/IJPC.IJPC_179_17

‍Yang W, Staps T, Hijmans E. Existential crisis and the awareness of dying: the role of meaning and spirituality. Omega (Westport). 2010;61(1):53-69. doi: 10.2190/OM.61.1.c. PMID: 20533648.

Grupe, D. W., & Nitschke, J. B. (2013). Uncertainty and anticipation in anxiety: an integrated neurobiological and psychological perspective. Nature reviews. Neuroscience, 14(7), 488–501. https://doi.org/10.1038/nrn3524

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